its cozy in here with the curtains closed

i know what's outside but the weather's bad

and you seem comfortable, tv and tea

so I won't fuck with the moment

you pull the rug from underneath me

and ask me to see

just what i've done and what i've been

i hear ya, and i want to hide

wish i pulled the fucking curtains

so you could see

just what’s outside and what i am protecting myself from

but i was too cowardly to say "do you see?"

so fucking hate me

then

i can't stand me neither

when

i can't stand up

because

i'm so screwed up

but jesus, some gentle please

man, i didn't ask for this shit either

complain away

i hear you say

don't whimper

don't cower

don't suffer,

elsewhere, not in front of me

i never hated you

i hated this, whatever

this. is. not. a life, and

your ego said: i hate you

i'm so selfish i couldn't see

how selfish i was

to you

when you needed me

when i needed you

narcissist, you hiss

and i smile

that cigarette, you know it'll kill you?

in the end

so i light up

covered in gas

selfish way to end

nevermind the pain

how could i

do it

in front of you

selfish, through and through

i didn't hide

i smirked

scoffed

snide

in the car park

alone

with my pride

i tried

selfish

bottom feeding shellfish

deadweight asshole

with a smile

that’s me baby

but don’t you fucking dare

accuse me of lies

i’m the wreck you romanticized

open those curtains

and you'll see pain

in your eyes

what you feel is not me

i was your shield

your rayban love

it's real baby

it's real my baby

i will hold you through this my baby

i can hold this my baby

i can hold this

i can take this

it's ok my baby

it's ok baby

you're ok, baby

it's ok

i’ve got you

i’ll be the curtain to close, and wrap you up warm

and keep you safe from me

i was real,

baby